Long Term Care: A Family Conversation Guide

5 Questions to Ask Before It’s Too Late

When it comes to money, everyone has blind spots. One of the biggest? Long-term care. Not because it’s complicated—though it can be—but because it requires something most people avoid: talking about the future, aging, and what happens when someone we love can’t fully care for themselves.

It's no wonder only 17% of people have even started planning for long-term care. That means most families are unprepared for the moment when decisions need to be made. And when the moment comes, it’s usually under stress, at a hospital, with emotions high and time short.

We believe in teaching people how money works—before they need it. Part of that is learning how to have “that talk” with the people you love most. So today, we’re breaking that silence with five clear questions every family should ask now—before it’s too late.

These questions won’t just help you create a plan. They’ll help you protect relationships, preserve dignity, and prepare emotionally and financially for what may be one of life’s most significant transitions.

But let’s start with the truth...

The Conversation Nobody Wants, But Everybody Needs

It’s hard to picture life when someone who once raised us, supported us, or stood beside us suddenly needs our help just to get through the basics: eating, bathing, moving, remembering.

It’s even harder to imagine what that might mean for our own family, savings, relationships, job—and future.

That’s why this conversation needs to happen way before life forces it. The sooner we have it, the more options, clarity, and peace we gain. That’s how we replace crisis with confidence.

So grab a notebook or open a shared doc. Pass around the coffee, not the awkward silence. And let’s walk through the five questions that can change everything.

Question 1: What Type of Care Would You Prefer, and Where?

Before dollars, policies, or logistics—start with dignity. What kind of life does your loved one want if they can’t live exactly the way they do now?

Ask:

• Do you want to stay at home as long as possible?
• If you needed daily help, would you prefer a professional caregiver or family?
• Would you ever consider assisted living or a memory care facility? Why or why not?

Each option has pros and cons.

• Home care offers familiarity and comfort, but it may require major upgrades—or a rotating team of caregivers.
• Assisted living provides structure and social interaction, but it can be expensive and emotionally challenging.
• Nursing care or skilled care is there when medical support is necessary, but it’s often a last resort.

This question grounds your planning in values, not money. It helps your loved one feel seen and respected. And it empowers you to make decisions with them—not for them—if the time comes.

Question 2: How Will We Pay for It?

This is where money steps in as a tool, not a tension. The average cost of long-term care in America is rising each year. As of 2024, the numbers look like this:

• Home health aide (full-time): ~$68,000/year
• Assisted living facility: ~$54,000/year
• Private room in nursing home: ~$108,000/year

And remember: 20% of people age 65+ will need care for longer than five years.

So how do you prepare? By breaking down the options:

1. Savings and Assets – Retirement accounts, pensions, IRAs, property sales.
2. Insurance – Long-term care insurance or hybrid life/long-term care policies.
3. Government Programs – Medicaid (needs qualification), VA benefits, limited Medicare support.
4. Family Contributions – Often the least discussed and most stressful option unless planned ahead of time.

Talk openly. Ask:

• Do you already have long-term care insurance or a policy with a care rider?
• Are you counting on using home equity or savings?
• What income sources will be available in retirement?

This isn’t about prying—it’s about clarity. The biggest financial disasters come from silence, not shortfalls.

Question 3: What Documents Do We Need—and Where Are They?

Every financial educator has seen it: families scrambling through drawers, folders, and email accounts trying to find a power of attorney or trust document after a crisis hits.

Avoid that chaos.

Create a list of essential documents and make sure they’re updated and accessible:

🗂️ Legal Documents

• Power of Attorney (financial)
• Power of Attorney (healthcare / medical proxy)
• Living will / advance directive
• Last will and testament
• Trust documents (if any)
• POLST (Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment)

💳 Financial & Insurance Records

• Bank and retirement account details
• Long-term care insurance policies
• Life insurance policies
• Deed or mortgage statements
• Pre-paid funeral or burial plans

🔑 Where They’re Stored

• Physical copies: folder, safe, binder, lockbox
• Digital copies: encrypted folder, cloud storage, shared drive
• Password access: write it down or use a password manager

This isn’t paperwork. It’s protection. It’s your emergency instruction manual.

Question 4: Who Will Be Responsible for What?

One of the most painful moments in caregiving is when the weight falls on one person simply because they’re the closest, most available, or most emotionally involved.

That’s why a smart family assigns roles—not burdens.

Have an honest, practical conversation:

• Who lives closest? Who’s willing and able to help in-person?
• Who can manage finances, bills, and insurance?
• Who can provide emotional support or stay in touch with doctors?
• Who will be the medical decision-maker if needed?

Assigning roles now prevents resentment later. And it helps each person operate out of strength—not obligation.

You may even decide to form a "care team"—a shared system of regular check-ins and responsibilities. No family should handle long-term care alone. But no one should be surprised by it, either.

Question 5: What’s Most Important to You—Even If Circumstances Change?

This is the most powerful question because it goes deeper than logistics.

It’s not just “Where do you want to live?” It’s:

• What makes life worth living for you?
• What would you want to keep doing, no matter what?
• What would you not want us to do, even if we think it’s “best”?

This is where you discover the core:

"I want fresh air every day."
"I don’t want to live where I can’t see my grandkids."
"Don’t put me on machines if I’m not coming back."
"I’m okay downsizing—but I want my books, my garden, and my music."

These things matter. And when emotions rise or medical staff start asking hard questions, these answers give you a compass.

This is how you honor someone long after they’re able to explain themselves.

Bringing It All Together: Start the Conversation This Week

You don’t need to have every answer today, but you do need to ask the questions. Silence is the enemy of preparedness.

And here’s the surprising truth:

Most people are relieved when someone starts the conversation. They’ve often been thinking about it, worrying about it, or avoiding it quietly. You’re not bringing up something new—you’re bringing it into the light.

Your Action Plan

✅ Step 1: Schedule the Talk

Choose a calm day, a familiar place, and give everyone a heads-up.

✅ Step 2: Use the 5 Questions

Print them, write them, speak them—but stick to them.

✅ Step 3: Listen First

Don’t correct or judge—just capture everything.

✅ Step 4: Follow Up

Make a checklist: documents to gather, roles to assign, funding gaps to explore.

✅ Step 5: Bring in a Pro

This is the point where you should speak with a qualified financial professional—someone who can provide policy reviews, cost projections, benefit breakdowns, and planning strategies tailored to your situation.

Because the worst thing we can do is wait.

Before You Go: One Simple Truth

Planning for long-term care isn’t morbid. It’s loving. It says: “I don’t want my pain or vulnerability to become your crisis or confusion.”

It’s an act of stewardship, strength, and clarity.

This is how we protect families. This is how we preserve relationships under pressure. This is how we change the financial culture—one conversation at a time.

And the best part?

Now that you know what to do, you can help others do it too.

Let’s start the talk. Let’s protect the people we love. Let’s teach it forward.